At the bus stop, next to a guy with dreadlocks, playing with poi balls.
On the 766, across from a guy in a camouflage jumpsuit. He has tan nail polish and he smells like a melon.now he is snapping and giving someone the peace sign. And he is whistling through his teeth. He is now starting at me with a dazef smile on his face. And now he's talking to himself.
I am now across from a woman with very hairy arms.

Manicures

The gal next to me on the 140 is clipping her finger nails into her purse. And now the guy across from me is clipping his nails too. The gal has moved on to lotion. And now she's filing. I'm just waiting for her to bust out the polish.

Bloody Bus

On the 140. The guy who just got on is carrying a shirt that I'm pretty positive is covered in blood. And right behind him is his shirtless friend who looks like he's about to pass out. Oh, just saw the back of his head. I now understand all the blood. And of course they come and sit next to me. One keeps saying "no hard feelings" and then they'll do the shake-fist-bump-snap thing that guys do.
On the 8. A fat kid is poking a scrawny kid with his crutch. Both his legs look fine so I'm not really sure why he has it. The scrawny kid is calling the fat kid a cheeseburger.

On the 140, right in the very front, because these dumb kids were holding hands and playing footsie across the aisle so no one could get through. I am across from a guy carrying a three foot metal pole with a big metal chain wrapped around it. I don't know why he's allowed to have that on the bus. You can do a lot more damage with a big metal pole than you can with a switch blade and those aren't allowed. What on earth is he doing with that thing?

On the 140 across from a girl whose hair is about three inches from the top of her head. She's saying, "I have to chop my hair off! It's so long!" She's now talking about high school freshmen. "We should smack 'em now so we won't later."
On the 8. Nothing makes you feel like a horrible person like whacking a lady's knee with your big heavy backpack does. No, I am not the lady whose knee was hit-- I am the horrible person.

On the stinkiest 140 I've ever ridden. The smell of body odor is incredibly strong. I am now between man-with-eyepatch and kid-with-sonic-headphones.

On the 140. Man with one eye at 12 o'clock. Girl that smells like hamburgers with glitter on her eyes at 3 o'clock. Serious pothead at 1 o'clock.
Two little girls just sat down next to me. They are not afraid to talk to strangers. They're telling the gal in front of me about their birthday party and me that they like my lunchbox.
On the 8. There are some really dumb kids talking about drugs.
"There ain't nothing wrong with weed."
"Heroin is just a spice, right?"
And now they're making cigarettes. Sometimes, high school kids frighten me.

On the 140 the guy across from me just ask the stranger sitting next to him to feel his chin, "there's a bump there, huh?" The other guy is now feeling his own chin to compare. I don't know why I ever worry that there won't be anything to blog about.
On the 777 across from two girls trying to high-five each other, but they're drunk so they keep missing. Now they're hugging. One of them looks extremely grumpy and the other is laughing hysterically. Getting off.

This crazy old man on the 8 is telling an interesting story, "I used to pretend to be homeless and I would stand on the corner in front of a restaurant with s sign and collect change. But one day this cop pulls up next to me and he says that I am not allowed to do that! You know what I think? He didn't want me there because the waiters were jealous that people were giving me five, ten, twenty dollars and they were only getting two, three dollar tips."

On the 8 next across from a gal who is talking about her ex-boyfriend, "He had his mother brake up with me."

On the 766 and it is super gross. There's a layer of sand on the floor and I can hardly see through the grimy windows. I don't know if it's because the weather has been so windy or if it is because the buses only get thoroughly cleaned Sunday night, and it is Sunday evening right now.
The more I look, the more dirt I see: someone's fingerprints are on the wall next to me, black splotches are on the upper windows, and-- hey, that dude just brought on a pizza, and it smells yummy-- there's something all chewed up on the floor.

I'm currently waiting at a super disgusting stop; it smells like fish, cigarette butts and sunflower seed shells cover the sidewalk around it, and the covered benched is dirty and graffitied. The two punks I'm waiting with are creepy looking. Hurry up, stupid bus! On the 31, and I have just learned that the buses are being taught to say more things. Usually, there is a voice that announces upcoming intersections and says "stop requested" but this one keeps saying, "when exiting the bus, please use rear door." I have been saying that for years.

On the 8 with my friend, Skinny-Smiler. The gal in the back whacked her elbo and shouted, "ow, my funny bone!" Then a complete stranger to her said, "I thought you were a cat..."
Not sure the story behind it, but the kid to my left just said, "your teeth are sharp! Like yourself!"
The bus just broke down and the kid's dad said, "what'd you do to the bus? I told you not to do that anymore!"

New Graffiti

This is seriously cool. Someone super-glued this awesome picture to the concrete pillar next to the bus stop bench.

On the 8. It's freezing. The bus smells strongly of alcohol. The guy in front of me is wrapped up in a fuzzy blue blanket and his beanie is held on with bobby pins so it doesn't blow off in the wind.

New Blog

Hello to my readers! I have a new blog called "People Watch" for anyone interested in reading it. It's like a "What Happens on the Bus" for every other place.
observinganthropoids.blogspot.com
Sorry, you'll have to copy and paste, the dumb link button is not working.

On Location: Shuttle Bus to Concert Hall

Two words: old. people. Doesn't anyone under the age of sixty go to classical music concerts? The heat on the bus was cranked up to the extreme for all the elderly people on there (which was basically everyone but my date and myself).

On the 8 across from a guy who has a wallet and a chain stuffed into his boot. On one hand, he has a purple surgical glove with the pointer finger cut off and over that, a winter glove with all the fingers cut off. He just got off and by the way he was walking, I would guess he has a lot more stuffed into his boot. His place was taken by a guy who smells like mustard.

On the 140 next to a kid that I think is about 15, but he has a university student bus pass and is enthusiastically reading an engineering text book about five inches thick. Either he looks about five years younger than he is or he's one of those genius kids.
I've just been joined by ten very loud high school students, all singing "The Wheels on the Bus."
Now they've moved on to much more intelligent conversations about how there are no bathrooms on the bus. And back to singing. In case anyone is wondering, the driver on the bus goes "growl growl growl." The high school kid with a mohawk just said in a fake British accent, "in my family, cursing is like being polite... we could make sailors cry."
Phew, glad to get off that bus.

On the 140, next to a guy hiding booze in his coat and a guy that sounds like he just sucked down a balloon full of helium. The guy across from me is carrying around a gallon of water-- just in case.

As I was waiting for the 766 earlier today, a guy started talking to me about how he used to trim bushes for a doctor. "He gave me sixty bucks for like one hour. That guy was loaded. And now, if I ever need brain surgery, I know who to talk to!"

Forgiveness and Love

I'm sitting at the bus stop, minding my own business, and the crazy lady comes up to me and says, "I have sinned. Will you forgive me?" So I said "yes." Then she said, "wonderful, I forgive you too," and she took off to tell the same thing to someone walking down the sidewalk.
Now I'm at another bus stop, talking to another crazy person. His speech is incredibly slurred and he asked to borrow my phone. I told him no and he asked what time is it. After I told him the time, he said something I couldn't understand. I nodded my head and he said, "whoever... whoever is... loves you." After that, he left.

At the very back of the 140. There is a guy at the very front staring right at me and smiling this huge creepy smile.
The guy across from me had to bring his bike on because the rack was full. His shoes and bike match.

The guy next to me with super long nose hairs is eating a bag of corn chips. They smell bad. Another guy has his beanie pulled down over his eyes and is slumped forward, sleeping.

At the bus stop, next to a guy blasting 50's music on a tape player. Now that we're on the 140, he's talking to himself, "St. Louis.... 79, 80... can't get away with nothing... Detroit..." Oh, sad, he got off.